Home vs Out, thankful to be able to go crazy

This was never even a debate in my mind it was always out. Going out with my friends was an escape for me. A way to make me feel like me and let the stresses of the week melt away. It made me feel like a person. Being a stay at home mom after I had my last son was different for me. I worked at the same job for 3 years. They became my family and my outlet to vent about everythin and I actually enjoyed going to my job. I realized that more then ever when I became a stay at home mom after a while. My husband and I would fight a lot about me going out and why I felt I needed to. He still got to go to work. To talk to adults and vent about me and his stress. lol. I can vent to my 5 year old on how sometimes they drive me crazy. I can vent to my husband how he was being a pain that day. I also can't brag about how awesome my kids are or how my husband makes me feel so lucky everyday. I felt I was just becoming a mom and a wife and I was losing who I was. I say this all the time. I'm not just a mom or a wife I'm me. Though lately I have become more content with hanging out at home on the weekends and maybe having a few drinks. Putting the kids to bed and hanging out online or having fun at home with some friends over. I don't know what the change is. I don't know if my husband and I are happier and I feel more content or if I am just growing older and realizing that be a mom and a wife is who I am. It's made me who I am and it will always be that way. I thinks it's the growing older and wiser thing. lol. I've had so many transformations in my life in who I am and it has always been because of something. Becoming a wife and mother is just another factor in my life that made me who I am. Not change who i am. I should be thankful for being a wife and mother instead of worrying how it has or will change me. The fact of the matter is it made me and changed me into a better person then who I would be if I wasn't these things. I'm humble and grateful, PATIENT and kind, I'm not conceited or cocky. I appreciate the little things and moments in life. If I didn't go through the things I have I wouldn't be such a wonderful person and I know that for a fact. You never realize how much of a better person you really become when you become these things. No one ever tells you that you are these things either. So thank your husband and kids for making you who you are. Of course at times they may turn you into a total certified person. haha, but you would never have the patients not to kill them had you not taken the tools to control yourself in such situations. Some women are not lucky enough to be as good of women as we are now then we would have been,

Sick babies, and superior teachers.

My poor 13 month old is sick with bronchitis. It's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last. My husband gets it and so does my other son. Its hereditary. It's so sad cause he has a runny nose he looks miserable and coughs all morning and night long. Does being sick seem to bother him though. No way. He's up and about running around right now. I'm surprised he has so much energy from coughing all night long. Guess it didn't seem to wake him up only me. I feel like I'm the one sick even though I just got over it. We mom take it upon ourselves to feel our babies misery. Or what should be. If I have to feel his pain and sickness I want to feel his energy too. I'll take the cons but give me some pros!

       Last night I went to go visit my 5 year old son's kindergarten class for open house. Now I'm already upset at the fact that last week we had run out of ziplock bags for his lunch. Well he wanted peaches since we went to the farmers market that day and got some. So all I had was some cling wrap. I put it in there well wrapped and told my son to put it in his backpack nicely. He obviously did not. I got a note home from school saying his snack was all over his folder(which is wipeable) and his snack needs to be in a ziploc bag. I bought some more ziploc bags while he was in school of course so getting this note made me very upset. This is the first time this happened and I don't know if she thinks I'm an idiot or not because I'm young. I looked at his folder and there was no sign that any peach was on it. I sent a note back saying I didn't realize we didn't have anymore ziploc bags (my husband also uses them for work so like he would tell me we were out) that day and that I of course bought some while he was at school and sorry if there was any mess. So, to last night the kids had some art work they cut out and painted on the walls. Well I guess my son messed up and cut the inside of what t hey were supposed to cut and not the outside so I guess he felt embarrassed and went to throw it away. The teacher said she explained to him that all he had to do was ask for help, BUT she did not hang his picture on the wall like the rest of the kids. I was infuriated. I didn't know what to say. So you tell him to ask for help but then don't put his on the wall like some sort of outcast? what is he supposed to think about that. She said," I didn't hang up his picture cause obviously..." cause obviously what? I wanted to give it to her right there. I was so extremely pissed off about it I didn't know what to do I was dumb founded. I don't know if I am over reacting or what. I wish I knew what the right thing to do in this situation. My instinct is telling me one thing, but me not wanting to be part of the young mother jerk off group I didn't say what I wanted to. I want to write a letter and tell her how upset i was but I just don't know. I don't want her to get upset and treat my son differently, but I want her to know how upset I was as well.

No time to be sick

Don't you love how being a mom means you can never be sick? cause someone else always is, and if not they need you for something. I want to lay in bed curled up with a movie and some tea. Be fed medicine and taken care of. Instead I feel sick, my throat hurts, I'm coughing and my body feels over all sick and ready to throw up. BUT..... My son needs breakfast, the dog needs to be fed and waled, my other son needs breakfast, he needs his backpack ready for school, cloths laid out, make sure he makes his bed and brushes his teeth, change the baby,, get him dressed, get a bra on?, drink a quick shake(no real breakfast for me), brush my teeth(kind of), put away dishes, wash dishes, get my sons shoes on, put his snack in his bag, get everyone in the car, buckle up, off to school, back from school, bottle, change, nap (baby not me), pay bills, argue with bills, stress bills, look for work, then remember I need to eat lunch. Wait. It's only lunch time?

Why Mom Wife Sarah???

Well I decided to blog and that was a relatively easy title. I mean its my life in a nut shell even if I don't understand it all the time. I'm a mom first a foremost, I'm a wife, and I'm me. Sarah. I suppose I do come last. Isn't that the way life is suppose to work? I'm not sure about that either. I wonder all the time about things. Then wonder if I'm crazy. I love my kids to death. 2 boys. 5 and 1. Love my husband (at least today) he's a great man. (at least today)Though sometimes even though I love the love from my kids and my family I wonder. What about me? Is that so totally selfish? I never would but i wonder what if I just left it all today? Took a few hundred disappeared and traveled the world? Went places I will never see? Experience things I never will. What if I had the life I dream I should be having instead of the one I have? The answer? It would be fun. It would be exhilarating. I'd miss my kids so damn much. they drive me crazy, but they drive me crazy in love. Sure there's always what ifs. there will always be I wonders. Not everyone is rich enough to have a vacation to another country every year. Then again not everyone is lucky enough to have a beautiful child call them mommy. not everyone is lucky enough to feel the miracle even if dreadfully painful that birth brings. I feel lucky. I feel lucky to wake up everyday and be a mom. To love my kids and have them sass me back. To have my husband there when I need him and for him to love me. Though I am a mother and a wife I am still me. I am still Sarah and I always will be, or try to be. I will try and go out on the the weekends with my friends because I need someone to talk to or feel like a person. I will lay in bed a watch tv on my son's nap time. I will go on my computer and Facebook with old friends and envy their no worry life. I will dance till i sweat. I will look at my boys and wonder how I did such a wonderful job with them so far an hope they will turn out the men they should be. I hope they have values and pride. I hope i can balance all these things throughout my entire life. Cause I'm not just one person. I'm 3. And that should put me in superhero category.